Need a little help to overcome the fear that’s holding you back from what you want in life?
There are ways to shift your brain’s instinctive response from panic and fear to one that can help you to handle stress differently so it’s not holding you back.
I shot a Mindset Monday video with FitLife.tv where I share 4 powerful ways for you to become the boss of your fears so you can live YOUR life to your FULL POTENTIAL. Check it out and let me know whatcha think!
I just got off the phone with a friend who’s been struggling with her business.
I could feel her pulling her hair out on the other end of the phone when she said, “I’ve done EVERYTHING and nothing is working!!”
I asked her, “What’s everything that you’ve done?”
She listed off some actions that she’s taken to build her business. As I listened to her, ideas and strategies that she hadn’t tried yet began popping into my mind. I was pumped to flood her with more possibilities.
Once my friend finished sharing I started rattling off my ideas.
One idea after the next, I heard, “yeah … but …” followed by some reason for why it wasn’t going to work, or that she had kinda-sorta done that, or some other obstacle that was in the way for why it wasn’t possible.
After slinging out 4 ideas, and getting smacked down by ‘yeah but’s,’ I felt myself getting frustrated. (I could see why she was stuck and frustrated!)
I stopped sharing, and I stopped her by asking, “Do you even want this to work? Because everything I’m sharing with you, you keep shooting it down. You keep coming up with some excuse or reason for why it’s not going to work, and that’s what’s blocking you from what you want. It feels like you’ve got more reasons for why it won’t for than you do for why it will.”
Now, I’m not saying that my ideas were the ones that were going to catapult her into the impact and success she wanted, but being closed off to possibilities is definitely not going to get you what you want.
Those two words, “Yeah … but …” are dream killers. Those two words block out possibilities and keep you stuck. Those two words have you focus on what won’t work rather than what will.
If you feel blocked right now in getting what you want, check in for a moment to see if you’re a ‘yeah … but-er…’
Do you have reasons and excuses in your mind that you keep telling yourself that are holding you back?
Ahem, things like ‘yeeeeeah … buuuut …’
:: I don’t have what it takes (I need to learn more)
:: I’m not good enough
:: I don’t have the money
:: I don’t have the time
:: It won’t work for me
:: People don’t want to hear what I have to say
:: I’m not good at _____ (or I don’t know how to do it)
:: I’m afraid
:: I can’t do this
:: I lack focus/not organized enough
:: I’m not as good as he/she is
OR, are you open and willing to all possibilities? Because that’s what’s required if you want to manifest your miracles!
If you want to call in the things you desire, ya gotta stay open. And one step in the right direction to have that happen is to switch the “but” to “and.” It’s a game changer.
So if you catch yourself saying ‘yeah…but…,’ switch that up to ‘yes… and…’ then keep your heart open to possibilities that will move you towards what you want.
To give you some examples :
:: Yes, I don’t have the money, and I know I can create it
:: Yes, I am afraid, and I’m going to go for it anyway!
:: Yes, there may be people who don’t want to hear what I have to say, and there are people who do!
Our language creates our reality. Use language that supports you in achieving all that your heart desires, because you deserve it.
Comment below and let me know if you’re going to go from ‘yeah, but’ to ‘yes, and’!
And if you do, what new action will you take today as you ‘yes, and’ something in your life?
Grateful to have one of my blogs published on the inspiring website tinybuddha.com.
To find out the 3 words that will change your entire life if you let them, click here.
With all my love,
I’m just getting my bearings back this week after spending 10 heart expanding days at burning man. It was my first year, and it was more than I thought it would be. I knew it was going to be magical, but man, oh man … mind-explosion. For realz.
What I took away was so much love. Love in all forms. I felt the love there through community, growth, authentic connection, freedom, generous giving and receiving, through the celebration of who we each uniquely are, full self-expression in so many ways, healing, creativity … I could go on and on.
I wanted to share with you one of the beautiful expressions of love that I saw in my favorite art piece on the playa. It’s called LOVE by Alexander Milov from the Ukraine.
I saw two interpretations in this art piece that both led back to being loving. One is how we hold onto our anger and resentments for one another when all we want is for our inner child to connect and be loving. Forgiveness, compassion and choosing to be happy instead of being right lights the way back to love. The second is seeing how disconnected we become as adults through our conditioning. Our true desire is to allow our inner child to authentically connect, to be free and play. Raising our awareness, letting go of the stories that has us be inauthentic and disconnected leads us back again to love.
Now our purpose on this planet to is to love and be loved. So, we get to remove all the conditioning and unlearn all those things that are not of love so that we can return back to it. Take a moment right now and look at where you could expand into love. Do you need to forgive yourself or someone for something? Could you deepen your level of compassion for yourself and for others? Is there something you could give up being right about so you could be happy? Is there a story that you have to let go of that is killing your truest expression and fulfillment in life? Whatever it is, do it. You’re worth it. Be good to yourself right now and choose more love.
What if you believed life was happening for you … always? Like every moment of your life, even the pain and struggles, is always for your highest good — and something to celebrate.
Over two years ago when I went through a crappy breakup, I called one of my beautiful soul sisters. I was walking through Palisades Park in Santa Monica, California balling my eyes out when I called her. I shared with her what happened and she said, “I know I’m probably supposed to say I’m sorry, but I’m not going to. In fact, we get to celebrate this because this is part of your soul’s journey. I know something good will come from this, and I can’t wait to find out what it is … Now don’t get me wrong, if you need a shoulder to cry on, or if you need someone to scream at the top of the mountain with you, or if you want someone to come over to just sit quietly and hold you, I’m your girl. But, we get to celebrate this.”
I was not expecting that response, BUT, I was sooooooo grateful for it. I was hit with clarity that everything that happens in our life is something to celebrate — the good, and what we may perceive as bad. When we feel sorry for ourselves (and want others to do the same), or resist what is, it only creates suffering and keeps us in a lower vibration. When we’re in a lower vibe, it’s difficult to bring in and receive the good.
After that powerful conversation, I began to see all the challenges that happen in life as something to celebrate because it is for our highest good. There’s growth and expansion that can come from every experience if we choose it. That’s our soul’s journey.
The crazy thing is, earlier this year, my soul sistah called me. She shared that she was diagnosed with 4th stage breast cancer. I listened, and took a deep breath in, and as I gently breathed it out, I got to say to her, “I know I’m probably supposed to say I’m sorry, but I’m not going to. In fact, we get to celebrate this because this is part of your soul’s journey. I know something good will come from this, and I can’t wait to find out what it is …”
Let me tell ya, the shift in choosing to see that life is happening for you, and that even the challenges are something to celebrate, radically transforms the experience of pain.
Is there something you’re challenged with right now? Or are you experiencing pain? How is this happening for you? What good can come from it? Most importantly, don’t forget to celebrate, because this is part of your soul’s journey, and there’s going to be magic when you get to the other side.
With all my love,
The past few months have been crazy-busy-amazing. I’ve had my head down working like a love maniac creating the 2.0 version of my 40 Day Self-Love Transformation. Last year I launched my 40 Day Self-Love Transformation as an e-course and over 1,200 people around the world registered for it. Those who completed the course said it had a profound impact on how they talk to themselves, treat themselves, and how they live their life.
I’m all about upgrading, and it has been (and still is) a wild ride to create the 2.0 version of the program. My learning curve’s been steep, but it’s been oh so fulfilling knowing what will be created on the other side. I’m committed to creating a world where everyone knows that they are loved, that they are enough, they are worthy, and that they matter. I know the 40 Days of Self-Love 2.0 will keep the needle moving on that.
Everyday we are bombarded constantly with messages that have us focus on what we’re not, so last weekend, my friends and I created a movement to switch that up. Last Saturday we went to the Santa Monica Pier by the beach here in L.A. We were on a mission to awaken people to step into their worthiness and to look at what they love about themselves. We ran around the Pier with fluorescent colored pieces of paper that said at the top “What I love about myself is …” and we had people fill that out. It was amazing to see those who could easily find something they loved about themselves. But sad to say, many didn’t want to do it, or they couldn’t think of what they loved about themselves. One guy even wrote “What I love about myself is my computer.”
There is so much work to be done to have people see the miraculous beings that they are, to own and celebrate their worthiness, and to love themselves … and it all starts with YOU.
Today and every day, I invite you to choose to focus on all that is amazing about yourself, and to see all that is amazing about others too. Not only will your focus be in the right place, but it will have you feel good too.
If you wanna check out a preview of what’s to come with my 40 Day Self-Love Transformation 2.0, go to https://40dayselflove.com
With all my love,
I was with a client today who said she stifles her thoughts and opinions when she’s in work meetings because she can feel people rolling their eyes and judging her. This reminded me of a time when I almost dimmed my shine because I didn’t want people to judge me.
I was in a leadership program that had weekly meetings, and in the meetings I was going balls to the wall sharing, giving, and holding people to their highest. In one of the meetings, we were told to give each other feedback on how we experienced each other showing up. Well, my feedback was mixed. From most, I was told that they were experiencing me as powerful, inspiring, a giver, etc. From a few (the ones who were quiet in the meetings), I received feedback that they were experiencing me as too strong, guarded and bossy.
I fell into a tizzy when I heard the ‘negative’ feedback. My ego went nuts and I said “F-it! I’m not going to keep standing up to support my team. I’m done. My full intention is to give. I’ve been giving, and this is what I get?” I was so focused on the few that gave me less than ideal feedback, that I completely dismissed the ones who were grateful that I was showing up big in the room.
The next day, one of the mentors called to see how the meeting had gone for me. I shared my experience with her and told her I felt hurt, unappreciated, judged, and that I was done.
She then said to me : “Mind the source Steph. Why are you so impacted by the feedback from people who play small? They want to judge and reject you because your light is shining too bright on how small they are playing, and it’s making them uncomfortable. Instead of stepping up themselves, to feel better and to keep hiding out, they are trying to take you down. Don’t fall into the trap.” WHOA. Mind the source.
How often did I shrink because I cared too much about what others thought of me? How often did I focus and magnify the little bits of negative in life, and completely ignore all the good. Also, how often did I give my power away to people who are committed to playing small in life?
I was thankful for the insight, and was so happy to be able to share that story with my client today. It made a huge difference for her, so I wanted to share it with you too.
Check in with yourself and see how often you dim your shine because you don’t want others to judge you. (Check in to also see if you may be one of the judgers of people who play big.)
Know that this is your time to shine. The world needs you to play big – no matter what! If you’re playing in the shadows, go frolic in the light, it’s a heck of a lot more fun, and it’s a life worth living.
Be big, be bold and be YOU.
Sending you so much love,
Last week I shared my end of year exercise that I have clients do. I got a lot of great feedback from many people on how the questions in the exercise made a big difference for them to see how far they’ve come as they complete out the year, and it also helped them to get really clear about what they want to create in 2015.
The very last question in the exercise was : What one word would you like to have as your theme in 2015? I wanted to circle back with this one with you in case you didn’t choose yours. Ultimately, everything we do or want is because we’re chasing a feeling or a need that we want to experience once. When you know what you want to feel, you can then filter what you want and what you choose to do through that feeling. There’s no use in being and doing the things that don’t bring you what you want to feel.
So, if you want to feel love, then you get to consciously choose how to be and do the things that bring you the experience of love. Whatever is unloving, gets ditched. Or, if you want to feel freedom, and what you’re doing, or the circumstances you are in have you feel confined and restricted … guess what? Yep, you get to let go of what is blocking your freedom, and instead create the shifts, and take the necessary actions that will have you feel free.
When you have your 2015 theme word, it will guide every decision you make. It will be an easy litmus test to help you choose what gets to stay in your life, and what gets to go. It will help you to shift who you are going to be in any given moment, and what actions you may or may not take. In the end, you get to feel how you want to feel. It’s intentional, and that’s a life worth living.
So my challenge to you if you haven’t already done so is to choose your 2015 theme word. How do YOU want to feel throughout this amazing new year that is about to unfold? And, if you’re so inspired and come up with two or three words, that works too. Mine are : Love, Trust and Abundance. I already creating the experience of those three magical feelings, and looking forward to feeling them throughout the year! When you’ve got your 2015 theme words that you’re choosing to feel, please share them in the comments below.
I’m a big fan of continually reflecting, connecting and intentionally creating. (But that’s probably not a surprise.)
At the end of last year, I sent out an email to the peeps on my list and shared with them an exercise I do with a lot of my clients. It’s a bunch of questions to contemplate and complete to close out the end of the year, and to get your juices flowing for who you want to be, and what you want to create in the new year.
I got such a great response from it, and am still getting positive comments about how it made a difference for them and the people they shared it with, I’m posting them up right here.
Here they are:
• What was your biggest triumph in 2014?
• What was the smartest decision you made in 2014?
• What one word best sums up and describes your 2014 experience?
• What are the greatest lessons you learned in 2014?
• How have you seen yourself grow in 2014?
• What are you letting go of in 2014?
• What are you taking with you into 2014?
• What are you grateful for in 2014?
• What was the most loving service you performed in 2014?
• How did you, and who did you contribute to in 2014?
• What is your biggest piece of unfinished business in 2014?
• What are you most happy about completing in 2014?
• Who were the three people that had the greatest impact on your life in 2014?
• What was the biggest risk you took in 2014?
• What was the biggest surprise in 2014?
• What important relationship improved the most in 2014?
• What acknowledgment would you liked to have received in 2014?
• What acknowledgment would you liked to have given in 2014?
• What would you like to acknowledge yourself for in 2014?
• What else do you need to do or say to be complete with 2014?
• What would you like to be your biggest triumph in 2015?
• What kind of person is able to accomplish the biggest triumph you just named? Describe that person because that’s going to be you! This is who you get to be.
• What advice would you like to give yourself in 2015?
• Who or what, other than yourself, are you most committed to loving and serving in 2015? How will you do this?
• What is the major effort you are planning to improve your financial results in 2015?
• What would you be most happy about completing in 2015?
• What major indulgence are you willing to experience in 2015?
• How would you like to see yourself grow in 2015?
• What are you looking forward to learning in 2015?
• What’s something that scares you that you’re willing to do in 2015? Your biggest risk?
• What about your work, are you most committed to changing and improving in 2015?
• What is one as yet undeveloped talent you are willing to explore in 2015?
• What brings you the most joy and how are you going to do or have more of that in 2015?
• What one word would you like to have as your theme in 2015? If you come up with a few, that’s o.k. too.
Have fun with these questions, and I’d love to hear some of the things you learned in 2014, and what you’re intending to create in 2015. Please leave them in a comment below. I know you’re gonna rock it out.
And if you want a jump start, relax and unwrap my gift to you. I created this free Forgiveness Meditation to support you in clearing out anger and hurt from the past so that you can create a future you love!
Have you ever heard a story so powerful that its impact changed you on a cellular level?
I met one of my new mentors and teachers, Bo Eason, this past weekend at a four-day training, and he told a story that did just that — he told a story that changed me, to the very fiber of my identity.
Bo, a former NFL Star, Broadway Playwright, Actor and Expert Storyteller, is an incredible speaker who holds your breath and makes you cling to his every word.