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Don’t Let People Who Play Small Dim Your Shine


I was with a client today who said she stifles her thoughts and opinions when she’s in work meetings because she can feel people rolling their eyes and judging her. This reminded me of a time when I almost dimmed my shine because I didn’t want people to judge me.

I was in a leadership program that had weekly meetings, and in the meetings I was going balls to the wall sharing, giving, and holding people to their highest.   In one of the meetings, we were told to give each other feedback on how we experienced each other showing up. Well, my feedback was mixed. From most, I was told that they were experiencing me as powerful, inspiring, a giver, etc. From a few (the ones who were quiet in the meetings), I received feedback that they were experiencing me as too strong, guarded and bossy.

I fell into a tizzy when I heard the ‘negative’ feedback. My ego went nuts and I said “F-it! I’m not going to keep standing up to support my team. I’m done. My full intention is to give. I’ve been giving, and this is what I get?” I was so focused on the few that gave me less than ideal feedback, that I completely dismissed the ones who were grateful that I was showing up big in the room.

The next day, one of the mentors called to see how the meeting had gone for me. I shared my experience with her and told her I felt hurt, unappreciated, judged, and that I was done.

She then said to me : “Mind the source Steph. Why are you so impacted by the feedback from people who play small? They want to judge and reject you because your light is shining too bright on how small they are playing, and it’s making them uncomfortable. Instead of stepping up themselves, to feel better and to keep hiding out, they are trying to take you down. Don’t fall into the trap.” WHOA. Mind the source.

How often did I shrink because I cared too much about what others thought of me? How often did I focus and magnify the little bits of negative in life, and completely ignore all the good. Also, how often did I give my power away to people who are committed to playing small in life?

I was thankful for the insight, and was so happy to be able to share that story with my client today. It made a huge difference for her, so I wanted to share it with you too.

Check in with yourself and see how often you dim your shine because you don’t want others to judge you. (Check in to also see if you may be one of the judgers of people who play big.)

Know that this is your time to shine. The world needs you to play big – no matter what! If you’re playing in the shadows, go frolic in the light, it’s a heck of a lot more fun, and it’s a life worth living.

Be big, be bold and be YOU.

Sending you so much love,

Feb 9th, 2015

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Stephanie doesn't allow people to play small and she knew just how to work with me to get me to take actions on things that I wanted to for years but I never did. I have faced my fears and see that I am so much bigger than who I thought I was. I am thankful that Stephanie saw something more in me and knew how to draw that out.
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